Have you ever tried to explain to your child why they’re feeling so exhausted, even if they haven’t run around all day? Or why one day they can cope with noisy places, but the next day it’s all too much?
As your child gets older, we want to help them understand their body and their feelings. Enter Spoon Theory—a simple, visual way to explain energy, effort, and how some days we have more to give than others.
What is Spoon Theory?
Spoon Theory was created by Christine Miserandino to help explain what it’s like living with a chronic illness. Instead of talking about “energy” in vague terms, she used spoons to represent the limited amount of energy she had each day. Every activity within your day (e.g. getting dressed, having a conversation, going to school, brushing teeth, etc) costs a spoon. Once the spoons are gone, there’s nothing left to give.
While Spoon Theory began in the chronic illness community, it’s now widely used to talk about invisible challenges, including sensory processing differences, fatigue, autism, ADHD, anxiety, and more.
Why It’s Helpful for Families
Spoon Theory gives kids and parents a shared language to talk about energy and capacity. It helps children:
- Understand why they feel overwhelmed, tired, or irritable
- Gives them a concrete way to identify and talk about their energy
- Learn to pace themselves and make choices that help them recharge
- Build self-advocacy and communication skills, including knowing when to speak up and say, “I’m out of spoons.”
- Develop empathy for others who might also be running low on spoons
It is also so helpful for parents too, as it:
- Helps you better understand your child and why you are seeing changes in their capacity
- Helps you to adjust your expectations and make plans for each day that will work for the whole family
- Gives a simple way to communicate such a complex topic
Using Spoon Theory With Kids
1. Start with a story or analogy, and build conversation from there.
You might say something like:
“Imagine you start the day with 10 spoons. Each thing you do takes one or more spoons. Brushing your teeth might take one. Going to school might take three. If you’re having a tricky day, even loud noises or talking to lots of people can use up a spoon!”
Model for your child when you notice the spending of spoons – either for yourself or for them! Talk about what you notice in your body that helps you understand when you use up spoons – e.g. maybe your body is feeling really heavy and tired because you have no spoons left.
2. Make It Visual
- Reduce your reliance on words and make the best use of this metaphor with examples
- Draw spoons, use spoons, or make a “spoon chart” on the fridge.
- Let your child move spoons into a basket as they go through their day.
3. Talk About Spoon-Stealers and Spoon-Fillers
Ask:
- What activities use up your spoons quickly?
- What things give you more spoons or help you recharge?
Examples:
- Spoon-Stealers: noisy places, tricky transitions, crowded events, being hungry, doing something new
- Spoon-Fillers: quiet time, cuddles, movement breaks, water play, time alone
4. Plan Your Day With Spoons in Mind
If your child has a big day coming up (like a party, excursion, or medical appointment), help them plan ahead:
- Can we save some spoons in the morning?
- What spoon-filling activities can we do after?
- How many spoons do you have for this activity? What can I do to help if you are low on spoons?
What If My Child Doesn’t Like Spoons?
That’s okay! Some kids prefer a different metaphor, and can find it makes more sense with something else they know, like:
- Batteries (“My battery is running low”)
- Marbles or tokens
- Hearts or stars
- Be creative and get your child involved in finding what example works for them – like using something from their favourite game!
The message is the same: we all have a limited amount of energy, and it’s okay to use it wisely.
Final Thoughts
Spoon Theory is a gentle, respectful way to help your child understand their body and brain as they get older. It supports emotional regulation, builds independence, and fosters compassion for all.
Some days we wake up with a drawer full of spoons. Other days, we might start with only a few. Spoon Theory reminds us that how we feel is real; and that it’s okay to slow down, take a break, and ask for help when we need it.
Want to Learn More?
There are lots of blogs and information online around the spoon theory. For example, you can read Christine Miserandino’s Original Spoon Theory Article: But You Don’t Look Sick: The Spoon Theory. Neurodivergent Insights has a range of blogs on this topic, like the Intro to Pacing Systems blog, for more ways to talk about energy levels if spoons don’t quite feel like the right fit for your family.
Another great resource is your Occupational Therapist – they can help you learn more and explore how it might relate to your child!
SIENNA SMILEY
Occupational Therapist.
