Puberty can feel like uncharted territory for any family! It often comes with its own unique learning experiences for each child and parents/caregivers. Here’s some of our key tips on how to help your neurodivergent child understand puberty and their body, with clarity, compassion, and confidence.
Your child’s safety is so important and crucial to this process – ensure they know who is safe to talk to about their body and puberty, and use these tips below to also help them learn about consent.
1. Start Early
Begin talking about puberty before the changes start, often around age 8. Research shows that some neurodivergent children (particularly autistic girls) may experience puberty earlier than their peers. Early conversations give your child time to understand and prepare, instead of feeling surprised or overwhelmed if it comes and they are unsure what is going on with their body.
2. Use the correct names for body parts
While it can feel like using silly names for our body parts doesn’t matter, ensuring your child knows the anatomical names for parts of their body is a key measure to protect your child and supported by child safety literature. Read more in depth in this blog by Sex Education Australia.
3. Use What You Know About Them: Adapt to Their Learning Style
You’ve already learned so much about your child’s preferences – whether they respond best to hands-on learning, visuals, or a structured chat. Use that! Use language and words that they already understand, or if they’re visual learners, pick picture books or create step-by-step visuals. If they thrive on routines, you can even weave puberty topics quietly into everyday life.
4. Model the Way
Children learn a lot from what they observe. Demonstrate healthy routines and body image (like washing and self-care) as part of your day. Use clear language and a calm tone, so it becomes a comfortable, shared experience rather than a big, daunting talk. This is something that you can start well before your child goes through puberty! You can do this at home, or even in places like the grocery store – learning what products we can buy to take care of our body when we get older.
5. Use Visuals, like Simple Pictures, Books or a Personalised Social Story
Visual aids help make abstract ideas concrete. Be it children’s books that illustrate body changes, photos, or drawing; these tools create shared understanding and are a way for your child to see the key parts of growing up. You can even draw or create your own social story that reflects your child’s own experience. This can feature familiar places, routines, and people. This way, you can make the language more complex or more simple depending on what works best for your child.
6. Break Things Down into Simple Steps
Puberty isn’t one big leap; it’s many small steps. It can be easier to separate small concepts, rather than feeling like you have to go over everything at once. For example, some key concepts you can focus on separately include:
- Using deodorant
- Washing private parts
- Body changes
- Understanding mood changes
- Boundaries and privacy, including who is safe to talk to about puberty?
- Ensure your child knows who they can safely talk to if they have questions or feel unsure. These conversations are important for keeping your child safe, and can help them learn about their own bodily autonomy.
Teach and practice one step at a time, and let your child learn at a pace that suits them.
7. Normalise & Affirm Their Experience
Reassure your child that body changes, new feelings, and shifting needs are a normal part of growing up. Avoid framing puberty as something we should be scared of, and instead present it as a natural stage that everyone experiences in their own way. Celebrate their growing independence and acknowledge their feelings, whether they’re curious, nervous, or excited.
Helpful Resource — Planet Puberty (Australia-Based)
A great resource for parents and caregivers is to explore Planet Puberty, a digital resource designed by Family Planning NSW for supporting children with autism and intellectual disability through puberty. It’s co-designed with autistic adults and families, so the content is respectful, relevant, and practical.
Check out their website here: planetpuberty.org.au
What it offers:
- Factsheets, videos, and printable resources – many in “easy English” that break down simple ways to explain key concepts with words and pictures
- Conversation starters, worksheets, and visual teaching tools
- Interactive games for topics like public vs. private, identifying feelings, and understanding relationships
Final Thoughts
Navigating puberty with a neurodivergent child is all about empathy, time, and individualising the learning. By starting early, using strategies that fit your child’s learning style, breaking concepts into small steps, and affirming their experiences, you’re laying the groundwork for a confident, informed transition.
SIENNA SMILEY
Occupational Therapist
